June 30, 2009

More Beautiful You

Little girl, fourteen, flipping through a magazine,
Says she wants to look that way...
But her hair isn't straight, her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight

Well little girl, fourteen, I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart...
And you were made with such care, your skin, your body, and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are.

There could never be a more beautiful you!
Don't buy the lies, disguises, and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl, twenty-one, the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man, but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead...

Well little girl, twenty-one, you never thought this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel you are...

There could never be a more beautiful you!
Don't buy the lies, disguises, and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

So turn around, you're not too far
To back away, be who you are
To change your path, go another way
It's not too late, you can be saved
If you feel depressed, with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear, they can all be washed away
By the One who's strong, can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears, dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl...
--Jonny Diaz

June 14, 2009

those teenage hopes who have tears in their eyes

Well, tonight is my last night at home for awhile... I feel sad. Even though I love camp and the people there and the kids and the ministry and all of it, it's still not home. *siiigh* I still have to remove my black nail polish... if I leave it on any longer my nails will chip and it will drive me crazy all week, because I won't have remover with me.

My neck hurts like crazy. I think wearing my swimsuit hasn't been helping cuz it's a halter top and pulls on my neck, but my swimsuit is the only thing I can wear that doesn't rub my sunburn! Gosh, it's a lose-lose!

So, while I'm at camp, I'll try and write lots in my journal to rewrite as a blog when I come back. I always think I'm gonna have more time at camp at camp than I really do have, but then again somedays I get sooo bored and tired of being there... I guess we'll just have to see how this week turns out. I bet it will turn out really good. I have a feeling. Cuz things that I dread always turn out nice, and things that I look forward to are a huge disappointment. sad, but that's just the way they go I guess. =[

Tomorrow Camryn and Jessica, the nieces, are coming over at like... 6:30 AM... but I don't plan on being awake... I always sleep until I want. :P

ok soo I can't take my phone to camp--but if you want to write me at camp, here's the address...
Nicole Creighton
c/o Big Sky Bible Camp
501 McCaffery Road
Bigfork, Montana 59911

or you can just email me while I'm gone and I'll get it on Saturday, whatever works. Mail is more fun and when someone writes me at camp, I always write back. :)

*yawn* I better take my fingernail polish off and get to bed. Thanks for reading :) I tried to upload a photo but it was way too confusing and I think I should just do it either in the morning, or when I get back. And I am less tired.

I'm tied up, I'm tied down, and everytime I try to fly up, I fly down into the sea and hold my breath. I am a mirrored rumble fish, my fists are clenching for the kill... --Too Far Gone by Sixpence None the Richer

June 9, 2009

put the horse before the cart

We paint our faces, the silent masquerade
We hide beneath the glitter
Guess who I am.
The world is only as big as my eyes
The eyes that deceive me again and again.

So you assume I have nothing to say
Though quiet I remain
Would you stop talking long enough
would you stop placing the blame?

So whirling, twirling, the masquerade dancers
blossom like flowers, shy but magnificent.

Each one is unique, each one is beautiful
Each one different from another.

June 7, 2009

cozy and cold

As we drove my dog to the vet on Friday, I stroked her fur and thought, "God made us to be attached and feel love, and love and be loved in return." But it sure as heck hurt me. I will never own another dog. I hate making the decision to put an animal down. I wish she had gotten hit by a car. Or died in her sleep. Or eaten something poisonous. Or anything. But to know your animal is in pain and you can't do anything about it... that hurts, like none other. This is the last picture I took of my dog before she died. As you can see, she likes to smile for the camera. Er... liked.

My mom gave me a ring this morning. It says Fear Not. A good reminder to not be afraid... of all the things I'm afraid of. Everytime I look at it, I remember the song that goes "fear not, I am with thee, oh be not dismayed for I am thy God and will still give thee aid. I'll strengthen thee, help thee and cause thee to stand, upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand." I have no idea what the name of that song is (well, I'm sure I do, I just can't remember it. We sang it in BSF I think, sixth grade.

Last night Jessica and Camryn spent the night--and I had just bought some new nail polish at Target so we watched Saving Sarah Cain and I painted everybody's nails (even my mom's! I wanted her to do royal blue.. or black... but she said that was too gothic. phooey). Jessica won with the most colorful... she had black, red, and teal on her fingernails; black, orange and blue and one foot and orange and pink on the other. Camryn just had blue and black on her fingernails. Mom had pink on her fingernails AND toenails, and I had blue on my fingernails and pink and black on my toenails. the blue is really pretty--a ROYAL blue. Royal to match my nose. (long story.)

Night at the Museum 2 is a really cute movie. I got M&M's... and I ate them all... because I had had a really sad previous day (what with my dog and all) and I needed the chocolate. I went with Brooke. It was really fun because I never get to see her anymore, except at the airport when I go there... and we both went to Target. She got nail polish too: black and grey.

I hope to take a walk with my mom later today. Then we are going to little Eddie G's first birthday party! She is so cute. (but she doesn't like me very much.) The G is for Grace: Edna Grace. But Eddie G is more fun to say :D

Imagination is more important than knowledge. --Albert Einstein

June 4, 2009

now I can tell you apart

It's a really windy night... I'm sitting on the floor of my bedroom trying to focus on a physics review, but my mind is everywhere. My dog is sick with something, she's in agony... Her moans and groans kinda haunt me and make me sad at the same time. I went for a walk earlier with my mom and the wind was blowing sticks off the trees and the sky was the eeriest shade of blue-gray. I felt like I was in an Agatha Christie novel.

I curled my hair three days ago and it's still wavy... it's been kinda nice not to have to worry about styling my hair. Tomorrow I have to wash and straighten it though. I do feel pretty when I take the time to make myself look nice. =]

I'm going to spend 5 weeks at camp this summer. Two weeks this month, and three next month. This month I'm going for a week of work crew and then as a camper... it's the first co-ed junior week, so I'll be washing dishes for boys and girls, 3rd to 6th grade. And the second week this month is high school camp, so I'll be the one eating off the dishes someone else washes! Next month I'm doing work crew again for the junior high girls (6th to 9th grade) and THEN (the pies de resistance) two full weeks of junior counselor training! I am most excited for that. (Well, that and high school camp.)

I only had one job opportunity this year and it wasn't formal... when my mom and I were in town one day we picked up a bunch of applications and I went home and filled them out and the next day we dropped them off... but while we were picking up applications we stopped really quick at Chris' Tea Cottage and asked if she had any openings and the girl working at the time said no, but you can leave your name and number and Chris called me a few days later to say she had an opening in Bigfork, three days a week, assembling lunches, and I told her I'd talk to my mom and let her know.... and my mom said she didn't want to have to drive me to Bigfork three days a week all summer. (This is part of why I'm spending so much time at camp.) So then of course, I called Chris and said it probably won't work this year... but I wish I had taken it because after all, it is a JOB. Maybe next summer when I have my license.

I don't want my dog to die. I am sick of death. Today I read in my devotions... "In our information-rich world, we have figured out so much, unraveled so many of life's tangled mysteries. But there is so much more that we don't understand. And, just like a child who can't understand why she can't touch the moon--or why he can't eat candy for every meal--we question God about things that don't make sense to us." I don't know about you but I am pretty much the queen of pouting and asking questions about God. I highlighted that section in devotions and copied it into my journal... I caught myself TWICE today asking God why things weren't going my way. But the story doesn't end there... "Learn to appreciate life's questions. You can learn much about yourself--and about life itself--from the questions that emerge day to day. And remember that God, the Master Architect of the universe, has chosen to reach past the sun, the moon, and the stars to take your hand."

P.S. why CAN'T I touch the moon?!