February 23, 2010

If you love me

This is the English translation of the Italian song, Se tu m'ami, that I will be singing for the Stillwater music festival this year.
The setting is between a shepherd and shepherdess (that's me. I'm singing to the shepherd). Usually, as in this case, the shepherdess is flirtatious and fickle. She teases the shepherd who loves her, though she feels a bit sorry for him. She declares that she doesn't want to belong to any one suitor. Using the simile of a rose, she describes how a man, Silvio, for instance, likes a girl one day, then finds an excuse tomorrow to reject her. She wants that kind of freedom, but she doesn't want to be like a man. Instead, she implies that just because she likes one fellow, it doesn't mean she can't like another as well. Though the song is in a minor key, it is certainly not at all sad. It is playful and should be sung that way.

If you love me
if you love me,
if you sigh only for me, gentle shepherd,
I am sorry for your suffering.
I take pleasure in your love.
But if you think that you alone I should love in return,
little shepherd, you are subject easily fooling yourself.
A beautiful red rose
today Silvio will choose,
with the excuse of its thorn tomorrow, then he will reject it.
But the advice of men I, myself, will not follow.
Just because the lily pleases me,
I will not reject the other flowers.

February 20, 2010

Samson went back to bed

The song "Sleeping In" by Nevertheless has been constantly on my mind. It so describes how I get when I let my guard down and I start letting myself slack off, and suddenly life has no purpose. I get up, I read my Bible to be holy and to stay on track with my superficial schedule, I do a little school, I waste the rest of the day, and I go to bed because I'm "so tired" and "exhausted" from all my "hard work." I drive myself nuts. Then, I start to feel guilty, and then I overachieve and I can't handle all the work I give myself. It never ends.
I'm kind of towards the end of the cycle now. I'm just about to start overachieving again. It's so dumb that I can predict my own stupid patterns. I decided to let God change me. I guess He really can't unless I let Him; after all, God is a gentleman and won't just barge into my life and help me change without me asking Him.
I have been journaling a lot more lately and plan to continue. It really helps in EVERY aspect of my life when I get all my thoughts out there in the paper world and then I can get them out of my head. It seems like they just buzz around in my head like fat female mosquitos that never die, and when I write them all down it's like they finally squish and get all their stupid blood all over the pages. So I have to keep squishing them or else they get so thick I can hardly breathe and the evil little bloodsuckers take over me.
I'm not sure where that ^ came from. It was graphic. haha!

And it's got me sleeping in. Every day God, it's the same thing. Yeah, you caught me sleeping in. I'm still hiding; I'm still waiting. I need you here with me to face the world outside 'Cause I'm tired of sleeping in. 
--Sleeping In, Nevertheless