Samson went back to bed

The song "Sleeping In" by Nevertheless has been constantly on my mind. It so describes how I get when I let my guard down and I start letting myself slack off, and suddenly life has no purpose. I get up, I read my Bible to be holy and to stay on track with my superficial schedule, I do a little school, I waste the rest of the day, and I go to bed because I'm "so tired" and "exhausted" from all my "hard work." I drive myself nuts. Then, I start to feel guilty, and then I overachieve and I can't handle all the work I give myself. It never ends.

I'm kind of towards the end of the cycle now. I'm just about to start overachieving again. It's so dumb that I can predict my own stupid patterns. I decided to let God change me. I guess He really can't unless I let Him; after all, God is a gentleman and won't just barge into my life and help me change without me asking Him.

I have been journaling a lot more lately and plan to continue. It really helps in EVERY aspect of my life when I get all my thoughts out there in the paper world and then I can get them out of my head. It seems like they just buzz around in my head like fat female mosquitos that never die, and when I write them all down it's like they finally squish and get all their stupid blood all over the pages. So I have to keep squishing them or else they get so thick I can hardly breathe and the evil little bloodsuckers take over me.

I'm not sure where that ^ came from. It was graphic. haha!

And it's got me sleeping in. Every day God, it's the same thing. Yeah, you caught me sleeping in. I'm still hiding; I'm still waiting. I need you here with me to face the world outside 'Cause I'm tired of sleeping in. 

--Sleeping In, Nevertheless