September 18, 2011

You Are Not Safe

Now that I'm here, staring it in the face,
I'm not sure I want You to use me in such a big way.
I know everyone gets scared
But I'm not ready to represent You, I'm not ready.

I can talk a lot of senseless words if You want
I can sing and raise my hands, immersed in You
But when it comes to really getting down to it,
I don't want to be transparent, 
I don't want to be see-through.


I have it all together, don't I?
It's impossible to loosen my good grip.
But with Your hands, Your beautiful hands
That wrote my name with Your blood,
You pry back my fingers to reveal my ugly.
The black parts of me that I don't want anyone to know.

I am a good girl, I tell myself.
I live my life staying away from bad stuff. It's safe.
But what I forgot when I gave You control,
Is that You are not safe. 
You are beginning to scratch away my layers and I am not ready, I am not ready.
I know that everyone gets scared,
But I'm not ready to represent You,
I'm not ready to surrender.
I'm not sure I want You to use me in such a big way.
Isn't there an opportunity...smaller?
Isn't there an alternative to being broken?

..I don't want to be transparent,
I don't want to be see-through.


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