May 27, 2012

10 Things I'd Need if I Lived Alone (Except I Couldn't Think of 10 so it's Really 8)

Being away from home has made me start thinking about the not-so-far-off time when I will pack up all my unimportant articles (like my frog shower curtain, my shelf of 30 journals, and my liiiiiiitle tiny green glass hippopotamus) and move away from my home. Then I started thinking about what I'd probably (and impractically) like to have around after I move. I need to use numbers to show my list, but they are not in any significant order.

1) A roommate. Or, if I couldn't find one I liked, a noisy, annoying bird would work just as well. I just don't handle silence well... That 70's Show was playing loudly from my laptop constantly the last time I was home alone. Sadly, it was not conducive to getting work done. Oh, and I'm definitely not saying that a roommate would be noisy and annoying. But if I had a bird, that's a necessary qualification.

2) Two dogs. I have a theory about this, and possible split personalities. I was just discussing it with seastar last  night as we walked her big, sweet dog and the foster, crazy psycho dog. I need a little fluffy thing to put in my purse, like the dogs I used to own, and a medium-sized dog to make people nervous and help me feel motivated to go for runs. I would love them both equally.

3) Hummus in my refrigerator. I'd probably live off that stuff. That and PopTarts.

4) An island. I'll just be so sad if I don't have an island in my house.

5) A better laptop... I'm alright with not having a TV, but I can only steal my parents' Netflix so much of the time, and the laptop I have right now is really picky about what movies I watch and when. For instance: "Awww, you want to watch Singin' in the Rain in your room? Too bad... Loser." But never: "Awww, you want to do your ASL homework? Here, I'll just conveniently fail to work..." Thanks a lot, Laptop!

6) All available seasons of The Big Bang Theory. (I would probably date myself just to watch that more)

7) A nice coffee maker. I hear one can afford a Keurig after one's tax return. (sigh) Next year, I suppose...

8) A spiffy office with an array of Post-It Notes (the cute ones with patterns. I'm not talking about lame yellow Post-It Notes) and highlighters. You know, for all my important office stuff.

9) And I guess that's all I can think of.

10) So I really only need 8 things. Except in reality I need a lot more than 8 things, I'm just stuck at 8 for today... I'm too impatient to wait to think of 2 more things, though, so I'll just post this. riiiight.... now.

UPDATE: Ooh, a yoga space would probably be fun. For, you know, yoga. That could be number 9. Which, really, I'd just need a little hardwood space, because I have the mat and I could probably steal the handweights from my mom.

UPDATE: Okay, a Vitamix would definitely be my number 10. Or whatever number, since they're in no particular order. But if I had a Vitamix I could make my own ice cream with frozen strawberries and Half & Half, or I could make taco soup with water and chicken and celery and black beans and I'm not really sure what else he put in there but it was tasty... and I could make my own honey butter. Somehow.

Boom, 10 things!!

May 19, 2012

A Horribly Honest Look at My Prayer Life

I AM is with me, even when things seem horribly unfair.

Even when it feels that all have abandoned me, for new friends or old... I AM is the one to hold me. I AM is the one who loves His disciples to the very end.

Who calms me while I angrily cry bitter tears of jealousy and that-should-have-been-me's? Who washes my feet when I am unworthy to even walk next to Him? Someday I will understand. But He is. He has. He does. and He will. In His sovereign plan, I am nothing. I shake my head in disbelief at the way I cling to the hem of His robe and shamelessly beg for blessings to be bestowed on ME, too.

"GOD, ARE YOU LISTENING?!" I cry, ironically not listening myself. "Where are you? Why would you show favoritism like that?" And then the killer: "I thought you loved me."

So defensive. Such a tattletale. This is the opposite of what I want. But what I want is still selfish. What I want is still attention. What I want is still to be the unspoken favorite, fawned over when I am persent and missed greatly when I am not.

The inside of me is so bitter and awful. I can't get it out, I need to get it out. Please don't give up on me... I want to be like You, truly. Help me start. Help me start and help me keep going until I die.

- from my journal, sometime in June 2011

May 18, 2012

I think they're onto me...

I have a feeling this is what I might be like as a parent.

(via 22 Words)