December 31, 2013

Looking Back

Today, I looked back over the year 2013. It was painful. Of all the years I've lived through, 2013 was the one with the most mistakes, the most wounded relationships, the biggest hurts and deepest regrets.

In 2013, I compromised standards I had grown up declaring would never change. I trusted many, and sought to please others and myself.

I packed up my unread novels, my favorite coffee mugs, and my pictures of Lucy girl and drove 500 miles away to a sweltering, tiny apartment I grew to refer to as "home".

I was forced to trust God for gas in my car and food in my mouth. So precarious. I often cried at Him for His timing.

So in looking back, and in looking ahead, my first instinct is to be afraid. I'm going to continue to mess up, I know I will. And why would I want that for myself? So I shrink away from a new year.

But somehow, my sweet mom posted a link on my Facebook wall a few days ago, a link to a blog post by Ann Voskamp (http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/12/how-to-move-forward-into-the-new-year-when-you-feel-like-you-failed-the-last-year/)... about falling forward.

I'm gonna make just as many mistakes in 2014, probably even more because that's just the kind of person I am. But if I'm falling forward, I'm at least stumbling into Strong Hands that can handle me in all my stupidity, in all my crazy, in all my blunders. Hands that knit me together in previously mentioned sweet momma's womb, that gave me my huge, clear blue eyes and my distinctly Scandinavian nose, and my bizarre sense of humor and my fierce love and my strong legs that will never be size 2.

So, with that in kind, I'm thrilled for another year, for chances to fall hard into Him. Because I'd rather fall into Him than walk alone.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Bozeman, Montana

1 comment:

Fishyfish 3.0 said...

I adore your sweet smile, beautiful girl. It can be hard to look back at one's mistakes and blunders yet you do it with so much strength. You are amazing. Let me repeat myself, YOU ARE AMAZING! I pray this your life this year is full of wonderful things that display God's awesomeness. Loves you. Rebekah