May 5, 2009

Left you with nothing

Sometimes you go somewhere, and you expect things to be exactly what they were... but they are never as they were. Things are constantly changing, people are constantly changing. It's hard enough to keep up with it all, much less pretend it's like it used to be. A past life. A dream. A premonition.

When I get hurt, I like to go to my piano, and play for as long as I can (which is usually until Dad goes to bed, and then I migrate to the keyboard upstairs) and play until I don't think I can get any better. It's my way of talking to the world... "I'll show you. I AM good at something, I am worth something." Today my song of choice was "Elite Syncopations" by Scott Joplin. He is so totally my hero. The next song by him that I will work on is Maple Leaf Rag... I suppose it's pretty popular but I don't remember ever hearing it. I'm listening to it on YouTube right now. Here's the link to Elite Syncopations: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CF-mBeT_ZaQ

I have a rock in my stomach. Maybe I'm hungry. But I choose to ignore it, I am stronger than myself! I had my first driving lesson today... I was so so scared. I like to learn a little bit at a time. So I'm going to learn a little more tomorrow. But I always feel so scared... and then I feel really stupid for feeling scared because I'm sure none of my OTHER friends (that have been driving since they were 13) get scared. I am such a small person... Easily intimidated. I can sing in front of a hundred people. But I can't drive a car.

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