October 7, 2009

beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth

well it's the end to a normal day. I never want to have normal days. They are so boring and unexciting and LONELY! In a few minutes I'm going to bed, and when I wake up my day is going to be everything I want it to be because I'm going to have the right attitude. I'm going to start writing in my journal more, and spending less time on facebook. I'm going to write more music and text less. I'm going to work harder to become everything I dreamed... in the book Do Hard Things, it says, "We will all become the men and women we strive (or don't strive) to be." And right now I'm not striving... but that's going to change. In my Bible notebook I wrote down the Five Kinds of Hard and I made a goal to try and do something hard every day... whether it be finishing my school on time to doing the dishes right after dinner (even though I hate doing that). It's time I started making some good habits and self-disciplining myself.

I talked to my mom on the phone tonight. She and dad are having fun at Deer Lodge... they went on a hike, today, she said. She also said that when she comes home we will go shopping in Missoula for some dresses! I need new dresses for my senior recital and for banquet. I'm so excited. Maybe I can find a decent pair of skinny jeans down there!

Today I watched The Devil Wears Prada and I really liked it. I'm not sure why. Maybe I could identify with Andie's longing to fit in and make it and want to be wanted. Then again, maybe I just liked all the nice shoes and outfits throughout the movie :)

I think when I look at myself I see something different from what everyone else sees. Where everyone else sees a bubbly, make-em-laugh kinda girl, I see a fool who will do anything for attention. Where everyone else sees a gorgeous smile, I see a hideous nose. Where everyone else sees a slender, well-proportioned person, I see a fat, ugly one. But which of us is right? hmm. Then I can never tell if that's the way I really feel or if I'm just sorry for myself because I'm not my idea of prettier. This topic is deep. I could go on forever.

But I'm going to go write in my journal. If I come up with anything good, I'll let you know.

I was kidnapped by handsome bronze-chested pirate men. --Olivia Witt

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